Subject 1: Silence

Disclaimer: I write because I want to. I want to revisit this document a few years later and see how I much I have moved or stayed from what I believed in. I will come across as someone bossy for I will project a lot of 'in-my-opinion and i-think/believe' related phrases. I am open to views on the subject matter, for the insights of each one of us, is so vastly different. To me that is something of beauty. So I welcome you to read this somewhat convoluted, yet hopefully sane musings of mine. 

Subject: Silence

Here is a conveniently ignored fact about 'silence'.

I don't really like Fridays here in the Middle East. It's the day we go to church. It's the 'Sunday Obligation' that is moved two days ahead, for convenience. I am not agnostic or an atheist or a fanatic. I love and respect the religion I'm born into and the religion I see around me, predominantly. That's just about it.

My mother makes it a point to spend these friday evenings in this manner: the half an hour rosary session to Our Lady, an hour of holy Mass and two very long painful hours of charismatic renewal. This is my problem. My problem is praying by rote. To my immature ear – that is constantly pumped by the ambient noises that spell civilisation – this is more noise. The last thing I need is to pray a cacophony of words when I rush to a so proclaimed place of peace at my so called hour of need. It's not like I haven't served the idea of dropping one of the too many worship sessions to her.

Remember how God said to look for Him in each other and in His creation? Yes, how do you suppose that will happen? I wanted to find something 'special' in me, really. Let's try this three step method that worked for me the once out of probably a billion times I attempted it:

1. Get to someplace personal, quiet and comfortable. Maintain a comfortable posture (you would require to remain in this posture for a while, so choose wisely)
2. Shut out all ambient noises. That includes the ones outside your body and the ones inside your head.
3. Wallow in the stillness. 

I did that today. I went into an empty church, sat on the last bench and cried my heart out (as quiet as I could). I whined and whined – sometimes with my voice (in the lowest possible decibel I could achieve) and other times in my head (here I screamed like no tomorrow). When I was done, all that remained was this piercing silence. It rang like a running train heading straight for me. It pierced my very core and after a while I got distracted. It seemed like eternity. But it lasted close to a minute.What followed was an innate sense of peace. 

Reading points: The Indian sanyasis, meditation, silence.